Jen has a twin

Over a year ago, my friend called me up one day and said, "Oh my god, Jen has a twin that lives in Seattle. I just ordered coffee from this girl that looks exactly like Jen! You have to see her." Two days later, my roommate texted me that "Jen" was in his store buying clothes. Since then I receive texts/calls from friends with their Jen sightings in Seattle. I've never ran into her...until recently.

I was sitting at the local lesbo bar (the only one) and in walks "Jen." My jaw literally dropped. My friend I was with immediately yelled, "Oh my god! That girl looks exactly like..." Before she can finish her sentence my heart started racing. I immediately had to go outside for a cigarette. The whole night I stared at her.

Since then, I'll see "Jen" driving, walking around my 'hood, etc. But I never had the balls to say hi. I think there's something creepy going up to someone and saying, "You look exactly like the girl I'm in love with. Wanna go out sometime?"

So fast forward to yesterday. My roomie and I decide to go shopping and stop at a vintage store. As I'm driving there I see "Jen" walking. I freak out a little hoping she's going into the same store we are. After parking, we step into the store and I immediately see her. My heart is racing. I'm feeling everything I feel whenever I see Jen. Everyone is telling me to say hi, but I just freeze and can't get this silly grin off my face. Alas, she leaves and I'm left with the hope I'll run into her again.

So last night, my friend and I decide to go to a lesbian night that happens once a month. I hate going to these. There's nothing more disturbing than a bunch of horny lesbians accidently running into you and then girls you would never call giving you the stink eye. But my night got significantly better when I saw "Jen."

And this is when the liquid courage made an appearance.

I finally get the cajones to go up to her. My friend tells me that within 10 minutes of learning her name, we were making out. I find out her name is Joelle. She's just as dorky, quirky, and incredibly adorable as Jen. Kissing her was almost like kissing Jen. It's all a bit creepy, but fuck I wanted her to be Jen so much.

At this point I don't really know how to feel. I woke up next her in the morning and all I can feel was this urge to call Jen and tell her how much I miss and love her. I've never been more confused than I am at this very moment.

I miss her. I'll always miss her.

Nothing worse.

There is probably nothing worse than falling for a straight girl if you're a lesbian.

I always thought it was ridiculous for my lesbian friends to fall for straight girls. I mean, every lesbian hooks up with straight girls. But you never fall for them. Doy. It's like setting yourself up for heartbreak and embarassment. So I always try my best to stay away.

But alas,

I have fallen for a straight girl.

And I'm hitting myself in the head right now. Hard. I don't know how it happened. Maybe it was in the works for awhile but now it's too late. And I can't get her out of my head. I have never wanted so badly to have a penis. Hmm...maybe I'll just go to Castle and buy one. Ha.

Dammit.

Dodging Cupid's Arrow

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.

I refuse to have a "Valentine." There's just something so gay about the whole holiday.

Maybe it's because I've never really had a full on "Valentine" and therefore the holiday just seems so strange. I tend to freak out a bit when things get too mushy or lovey-dovey, and I have a feeling it is why I completely ended things with Alice yesterday. Remember her? Yeah, me too. That's why I decided to call things off.

I told Alice that we were leading two different lives. I said that we have two completely different circle of friends and that I honestly don't see it going anywhere. Lately, we haven't really been hanging out. Instead, it's been us "hanging out" for a couple of hours of the day just to say we hung out. Therefore, I didn't think she would find it so shocking I wanted to end things.

But she was. In fact, she cried. I never pictured Alice as the one to cry. She's so "badass" and never really shows her true feelings (typical Libra, I say). I don't really know how I feel about the whole situation now. In all honesty, we have been hanging out with each other since November. That's quite a long time for lesbians. That's an even longer time for me. But as my feelings for Lindsey continue to play themself out, I really needed to drop Alice. It's what's best.

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Whoop-ti-do.

An introduction.

I first met Lindsey in the sorority.

What's funny is that I remember the first time I saw her. She was getting a house tour and I remember thinking she was really hot. Not like "cute" or "pretty" but Lindsey was absolutely beautiful.

We didn't immediately become friends. I remember on her first night out with girls from our sorority, I asked for her number. You know, in case I found a better party to go to or in case I ever needed a drinking buddy. I never used that number that night. In fact, when I was going through which numbers to delete when I got my new phone, for some reason I didn't delete hers. Even though I had never spoken to her since that first night (besides small talk here and there), I wanted to keep her number.

Fast foward to later that year. We start "hanging out" a little more. And by hanging out, I mean we say hi to each other in the halls. Occasionally she would sit in my room and watch tv/movies with me. We started to hang out more as our circle of friends collided. There was nothing to it.

Then there came the time when there was no one in the house. It was just me and Lindsey. We decided to watch a movie in the slounge (the tv room). Out of nowhere she says, "You're gay right?" My jaw literally dropped to the floor. I was so surprised. It's one of those things that you think about in your head all the time but never thought anyone else caught on. I immediately refuted her comment saying I had never done anything with a girl. And thus no, I was not gay. I apparently spoke too soon.

That summer, Lindsey left for study abroad. She also started dating a new guy. That summer, I started working for my big corporate company. That summer, I met Jen.

When Lindsey returned later that summer, she was the first person I told about Jen. I then found out that she also dated a girl back in the day. We had a lot more in common than we thought.

Since that time, we have become best friends. She's the one that I bitch to about every girl. She knows way too much about my sex life than anyone should ever know. I've seen her break up with her boyfriend numerous times only to get back together with him 3 days later.

But things change I guess.

She is once again single. And I'm officially Jen-free. I am starting to see her in a different light. Which is somewhat scary. It's weird to think that she has been there the whole time. She has literally been right in front of my eyes the whole time.

So this post is to officially introduce Lindsey. You will be hearing a lot about her (btw, sorry for not updating...).

This adventure should be interesting.