When I first realized I was in love with a girl, I did what every lesbian does—I bought a Tegan and Sara album. They spoke to my girl-loving heart. On their newest album (The Con), there’s a song called “Nineteen.” The lyrics go a little something like this:
I felt you in my legs
Before I even met you
And when I layed beside you
For the first time
I told you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
I can honestly say this is exactly how I feel about Jen. I’ll even be shallow and say the first two lines is what made me curious.
Last summer, on my awesome internship, I was sent to California for a conference. At the time, I was getting over a “relationship.” I was kind of seeing a guy and he ended up moving to Atlanta to get his PhD. So when I was told I had to attend this stupid conference, I was not up for it. The conference was an all women’s blogging conference. Now I will never ever admit ever again that I was at the conference, but it turned out to be the most life changing experience.
After a hard day’s work, my coworkers and I went to the free cocktail party put on by the conference. One of my coworkers, who was openly lesbian, really wanted to get some ass. Yes, we were on the prowl. I mean, we’re at an all women’s blogging conference right? How hard could this be.
From about 30 feet away, I spot two girls who look like they can be “gay.” Now, I’m never the one to judge, but their Ellen-like haircuts, t-shirt and jeans look pretty much gave it away. I especially enjoyed the one with the hat. The one with the hat was Jen.
Jen took my breath away from the first moment I saw her. I immediately stopped breathing and had to release a huge sigh because I honestly felt something. I thought this “something” only happened in movies, but there I was—a “straight” girl experiencing love at first sight for the first time ever and even better—it was with another girl.
Although my initial goal was to get my coworker some ass, I ended up meeting the most influential person in my life. Since that day, I can honestly say that I know how it feels to love someone. I know how it feels to watch the person you love, love someone else. I know how it feels to feel every single emotion all at once. That’s what Jen did to me. And still does.
Let me get one thing straight—today, me and Jen are just friends. I consider her one of my best friends. Although we’ve only known each other for a year, I feel like I’ve known her my whole life. She has filled the void that has been missing. I doubt she will ever know how much I really love her, but fuuuuuck, do I love her so much. I wish words could describe the sensation I feel when I think about her.
But alas, timing is everything. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get this girl. I wonder if time takes bribes. I will talk about Jen a lot. She’s…she’s…the one. Everyone else is just to make the time pass by a little quicker. I’ve got my eye on the prize…everything else in between is just silly.
