The End.

I recently found out that Jen has a new girlfriend. We hadn't talked for awhile, which is rare, but I still didn't think it would be because she had a new girlfriend. I just figured she was too busy with work or something.

So I got an IM from her (so middle school btw). She told me she had something to tell me. Mind you, I am flying out to LA next week, so I quickly got worried. She then broke the news that she was in a relationship. She couldn't even fucking say she had a new girlfriend or that she was seeing someone else. She said, "I'm in a relationship now."

Then the cunt decided to give me details about how it went down expecting me to say "Awwww" at the end.

To be honest, initially I wasn't sad. I wasn't mad. My heart definitely sank a little. But then I remembered that I kind of had someone too. In fact, I had just spent the whole weekend in bed with someone else. And I was about to leave to pick her up for lunch.

I immediately called my friend up in which he responded with the following:
"You know what they say, it's easier to get over someone when you're under somebody else."

True dat.

But today, I woke up and I can't describe how I was feeling. There was an emptiness inside of me. A feeling that finally told me it was the end. I immediately broke down and started crying. My emo mix was quickly turned up and I just sat in my bed thinking about all I had been through with Jen. Then I removed every picture I could find of her from my room. I took down little notes she had written, concert tickets we had been too, plane tickets I had collected from every time I flew out to see her (there were over 20 total...), and finally I took down the framed picture of the first night we met.

She was the one that made everything so clear. And for the first time I wished I had never met her.

I don't really know what to think right now. My feelings are at a standpoint. Here I am kind of dating someone who is fucking rad but all I can do is think about Jen. I'm supposed to meet my new girl for dinner. But I would rather sit in my room and listen to cheesy break up songs. All I can do now is ask myself, "Now what?"

Breaking up is hard to do.

So LA

A year ago around this time, one of my LA friends came for a visit. He's your typical celeb moocher--doesn't have a job, is still working on his "album" (it has already been 4 years...), and basically lives off his uber famous friend. Because of this, he constantly has VIP passes to any club, the best table at every restaurant, a constant stash of the best drugs and alcohol one can have, and the best part--being in the background of every paparazzi picture. What a life.

So when he came to visit, he invited me to his hotel for a little "get together." This get together had over 100 people. I arrived with a buddy of mine and we made our spot on the couch. Pretty soon, my friend comes in with a girl and tells her, "This is my friend I was talking about." I looked at her--she looks REALLY familiar. Where have I seen her before...

She sits down next to me and I realize who it is. Everyone knows who it is. She's famous. She's been in a few d-list movies and one really big TV show. So we're talking...I find out she's filming a movie in the city I live. She keeps brushing her hands on my legs. This is when I down my cocktail and look at my friend in the "What the fuck do I do" way.

I finally stand up and tell her I need to be heading out. It was just highly weird. I gave her my number and tell her to call me if she gets bored. When I get home, I immediately google her name and "lesbian." Yup, there have been suspicions. I should've known. Perez is always right.

The next day I get a text from actress. She asks me if I know of any good places to eat (I chuckled a bit...). I recommended my favorite sushi joint to which she asked me to join her. Later that night we met up and ate dinner and drank lots of wine. I asked her why she hasn't come out and she tells me she's just "having fun."

The night ends with more "having fun." She had the most amazing body I had ever seen and touched. Almost as if it was from the movies...oh wait.

We rarely speak these days. I get a few emails here and there just asking how I'm doing. In fact, I haven't seen her since that night. Perez still has his suspicions and the paparazzi has caught her several times with the same "girl." Well Perez--you're right. 100% correct. She's such a homo and I hope she's on the cover of People one day with the headline, "I'm Gay!" As for me, she ended up not being the only "celebrity" I hooked up with. But definitely a story for the books...

Out with the old, in with the older?

I recently just came out at work. Which was awkward considering about 4 guys from work asked me out. I would always make up excuses like, "I have other plans," or "I have to wash my hair." But I really wanted to say was "I like pussy." Haha, I could just imagine what their faces would've been like if I just said that out loud.

At my job we have random designers come in to try to "inspire" us. Last week was no different. The woman that showed up looked like a character from the L Word. She was wearing a sweater with her collared shirt sticking out, jeans tucked into her boots, and perhaps it was her haircut that gave it away--blonde and spiked, dying to yell out "DYKE!"

After she gave her little talk, I went back to my desk. A few minutes later I get a page from my boss telling me to return to the conference room. She tells me she has someone that wants to meet me.

It was the designer.

So...picture this. I get left ALONE in the CONFERENCE ROOM with a 38 YEAR OLD famous designer at WORK. As my boss leaves the room she gives me a little wink. Wow.

So designer chick asks me out. She says she's only in town for a couple of days and wants to "grab a drink." I say yes. I figure it's free drinks. Plus, she's kind of hot. And what the hell, I have nothing else to do.

We grab some drinks. As I'm getting more and more "buzzed" (I lie, I was actually wasted by now), she asks me to go to her hotel room to watch some TV. Again, I say yes. Only because I want to sober up, I swear!

Turns out 38 year old women are kind of cool. That's all I'll say about that.

I guess she got offered a teaching position at a local community college. She says she'll be here for at least 3 months. Teacher? Hmm...this is too easy.

Call it off.

There's a Tegan and Sara song called "Call it off." The lyrics go a little something like this:

I won't regret saying this
This thing that I'm saying
Is it better than keeping my mouth shut
That goes without saying
Call, break it off
Call, break my own heart
Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at
But now we'll never know
I won't be sad
But in case I go there
Everyday, to make myself feel bad
There's a chance that
I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to

The part that gets me is the "Maye I would have been something you'd be good at."

I've reached the stage where I think I just need to call things off with Jen. I look at my last post and it's ironic that it has come to this. But...I think it's time to go on.

For some reason, it feels ok.

And I'm fine with ok.